Time Flies

I really really really hate thinking of blog title posts. Maybe I'll just start going through the dictionary and using the first word that I open to on a page...blah! 

Anywhoo...I don't think I should blog when I'm in these weird moods but eh...what can ya do?

So first off I think I mentioned last post (or maybe not) that Ben and I signed up to do a run Thanksgiving morning. Ben is doing a 10K (6.2) miles and I'm doing a 5K(3.1) miles. I've never trained for a 5K I just kind of show up do it and then get frustrated with how out of shape I am! HA! Not this time. I found a Couch to 5K running plan printed it out and hung it on the fridge. The first week I think I only ran once but I've been doing better. Last week I ran 3 times. This week I've ran once so far. I can't believe what my body is capable of! I love pushing myself it feels great! This week I'm on the run 6 walk 2 phase. By Thanksgiving week I should have worked up to running (not jalking jog/walking) for 30 min straight. I would really like to finish in 35 minutes or less so we will see. 

Since Sunday I have felt like I have something stuck in my throat. It made me gag and everything. Its gotten worse and worse and is really bad when I lay down at night. My throat is not sore at all. I still have my tonsils. After trying to self diagnose myself on the internet (I know I know) I finally gave up and went to the Doctor today. I really don't like going to the doctor. I miss this lady I used to go back to in Utah. She was like an alternative medicine doctor but her office was so calming and she never rushed you. Also the midwives that I went to for my anxiety meds were great too. They always took time and actually listened. Every other doctor its like badda bing badda boom here's an RX. OK off my tangent. Went to the doc she felt my throat asked questions looked down it with a light just like normal. Had my thyroid and CBC tested (came back normal) and I'm going in for a swallow test tomorrow. Basically they give me things to eat and swallow do an x-ray while they film it. Hopefully we can get it figured out soon because I am going crazy! 

Ben has found an interest in remote control planes. We splurged and bought him a whole set up a few weeks ago and it finally arrived yesterday. He has basically been working on it non stop when he's home. I get to be the co-pilot! I'm super excited! As soon as he gets some things figured out on it we are going to head out and fly it. Its a pretty big plane the wing span is about 4 4.5 feet.  It has this really awesome remote control too and you can hook it up to the computer and all that good stuff.

And last but not least a little tangent of something that made me frustrated today. I'm not going to go into details just in case but basically I was asked to go to a planning meeting today. Well I take an hour out of my day to go this meeting where we were asked to bring ideas and such...silly me... somehow its already planned??? Annoying! Like c'mon really? 

Ok thats it.

Well no its not. The other day Ben and I wanted to go shooting so we first drove around to see if we could find a place before hand. About 20 minutes away from our house we found an awesome shooting range with a gorgeous lake nearby. So fun! We are really loving ND!

Hello October!

I know I've said this before but I really hate thinking of blog titles. Anyway, I found my journal hallelujah! We sold our bed frame and before we did I checked the side tables and there it was! Thank the heavens! 

We are loving North Dakota! We miss Utah of course especially when we are there but North Dakota has really found a place in our hearts. We live in the 2nd largest city in the state and Bismarck is still super small! I do miss the mountains a lot but ND has its own amazing beauty. I got really worried the the other weekend when it snowed but the snow melted and now the fall colors are absolutely gorgeous! We took a walk to the park today and it literally took my breath away. The park is just down the street and Duke loves to go play there. I've been taking lots of "nature" pictures lately. If you haven't already seen them on Facebook here are a few. I've also included pictures of some other randomness :P

The halloween wreath I put together. I used a foam wreath an old t-shirt and a halloween stocking.

This is our street. Look at those colors! Amazing!

I took this picture while I was driving but I couldn't resist! I was listening to country music at the same time and I felt like a country girl for sure!  

Love everything in this picture amazing! 

Ben and I before the Florida Georgia Line Concert last weekend! We had a blast!

We made S'more hot chocolate the weekend it snowed. It was so delicious and easy to make! 

Ben's job is starting to slow down for the season so we are trying to figure out a plan. Our lease on our apartment is up the end of November. There are plenty of jobs up here though so Ben is looking into some options.We have looked into buying a house but nothing very serious as of yet. I'll just quickly get this part over with... I made a HUGE mistake. I took on 3 jobs got really burned out so now I'm only working 2. I feel really good about my decision. I work at Gold's Gym in the Kids Club (free membership) and I'm a CNA with Dakota Travel Nurse. It's really good money and I really enjoy being a CNA! Now there is Duke. We are worried he has worms again (not fun!) so we are giving him meds to help. He also had a little tiff with the dog upstairs this morning but I think he's OK. He's just been through so much and we are making so much progress with him it just kind of made us really upset but we are good now. Well thats it for now. Just being crazy, random, and loving life as usual! 

Good,Better,Best

*Disclaimer-this is going to be a somewhat religious post. If reading it is going to offend you, make you upset or angry, or make you want to start an argument (please don't)...just know that you have been warned*

I'm going to hang this up on my fridge or front door or something as a reminder.

I've been struggling lately. I have been happy don't get me wrong but just struggling with where I fit in in this world. If you read this list a lot of the things are exactly how I feel sometimes. I also came from the "Utah Bubble". Which I know I should be grateful for but moving to North Dakota really opened my eyes to religion. The LDS religion is not what you do here. It's not the way of life. Its not assumed that you are Mormon until you tell someone otherwise. I'm not blaming my "questioning" on growing up in Utah but it definitely has a part of it. The other part is I think I'm finally growing up...I know finally...and trying to figure out what I think. Anyway, the reason I'm writing this today is 1) I can't find my journal still I guess I should by a new one but I also enjoy sharing my thoughts. 2)We went to church today and the sister who gave one of the talks just really hit home with me. She almost described my life right now to a T! Ben kept squeezing my arm or tapping my knee while she was talking because it was so me what she was saying.

She started out her talk with this quote from Dallin H. Oaks from his talk Good,Better, Best.
We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.

She then talked about how she had got so caught up in the "wordly" things of life. She wanted to have a clean house, be a great cook, be crafty, be the perfect wife, do well at her job while working crazy amounts of hours there as well. She found herself not happy because she wasn't prioritizing what was important in her life. She began setting aside time each day or week to focus on her spirituality.

Now where am I going with all of this? I love to stay busy so just dropping everything and focusing on my spirtual side is in no way the answer for me. However, I put so much pressure on myself and I know I do and I don't think pinterest or facebook help. It makes me think that everyone but me cooks a unique yet delicious meal, has a cute and organized house, is the best wife, excells at her job and is running marathons. Ugh...I love staying busy however, I need to remember to focus on why I do those things. I shouldn't be doing them to compete with anyone else. I should be doing them because I like to have a clean house I like to feel happy I like to be good wife I like my job and I like being healthy. I personally think it is so important to have spirituality be a part of your life. That doesn't mean you have to be part of a religion either. But for me right now the LDS church is my comfort zone. I believe the majority of its teachings. Some things I have a rough time with but I'm working on it. This week I'm really going to try and focus on the reasoning behind what I'm doing and finding joy in each task and living in the moment. I'm also going to really try and pray and read my scriptures each day. I think it will really help me to get back to my roots and find some of the answers I need.  After all my thoughts today I really feel good about my decision to hold of on school this semester. School is extremely important and a huge priority to Ben and I but we feel we have other priorities and our plates our too full right now to take that on and do well. We both feel good about that decision. I'm excited for the journey's we have to come. I know this was probably a deep and babbling post maybe didn't even make sense what I was trying to say. However, its not for anyone else but me. Journaling has always been a huge part of my life. Its so important and healthy for me to get my thoughts out.

If anyone would like to join I'm going to try and do this scripture challenge.    

Hey..ey!

Do do da doo. When I was a little girl my response to the question "What do you want to be when I grow up?" Was "A doctor, a mom, a dancer, and work at McDonalds." Hahaha... Love it! I feel like I have the same answers now. I want to be a mom one day (please still don't ask I swear I'll had another 5 years to the time frame I have in my head) I miss dancing so much. I miss teaching dance and I miss performing. I don't want to be a doctor but I think I would enjoy being a nurse. Well I've been debating that a lot lately as well. Obviously the pay difference between a nurse and a CNA is great but I see what nurses do every day and I don't know if I would love it as much as I love being a CNA. I love the interaction I get as I CNA. As a nurse you don't do a ton of patient interaction and I think I would miss that. *I have a little chip on my shoulder about doctors today. Had some bad experiences. I really wish doctors were more people oriented sometimes* Anywho...I was really debating about going to school this semester and right when the semester started my grandpa passed and we flew out to Utah for the funeral. Along with some debt we are trying to pay off I decided I needed to take this semester off to really get focused so I can do well if I decide to go. 

So right now I still work at Sanford as a CNA. I am also working for Dakota Travel Nurse as a CNA. I have my first shift with them on Saturday. Its basically on call work (pay is really nice) I just let them know what shifts if any I want to pick up at different locations. I've also been in touch with a dance studio here is Bismarck about teaching at the studio and hope to hear back from them soon. Awhile back I also applied at Golds Gym and I have an interview with them tomorrow to work in the child care. 

Am I Crazy? I think so...but I'm not the one who married me! HA!

What are y'all's experienced opinions? Who wants to just figure out a plan for me? :D

Gramps

My Grandpa Smith passed away on Tuesday August 27th. Kind of neat and sweet him and my grandma were only apart for 28 days. I know he needed to be with her and it just really made his personality show because he was so stubborn. He waited until he knew she was OK. I miss him so much though. It's so hard for everyone still here without them. I feel like I'm having an especially hard time just because they both passed away while we are here in North Dakota. I'm so grateful for all the times I was able to spend with my grandparents. Just recently when we were down for my grandma's funeral I was playing solitaire at my grandpa's house. He had been kind of out of it that day but pretty soon after I got the cards out he jumped right in and started helping me play. Then he asked me if I wanted to share a banana with him. That moment meant so much to me, especially now. I have so many memories of my grandpa. He was hilarious and stubborn as hell. I'm pretty positive I get my stubbornness from him. I remember when I was home schooled in 6th grade my mom would have me go to their house sometimes in the morning and do some school work.  My grandpa would always watch "The Price is Right" and we would eat yogurt. If I was ever doing math homework he didn't like me to count with my fingers he wanted me to count in my head. So funny. Both him and my grandma were avid Jazz fans to the point where they would even just listen to the games on the radio if they weren't on TV. Gramps always called to let us know what time and what channel the game would be on so we could watch it. I remember playing Kings in the corner with my grandpa and my grandma would sneak over my shoulder and give me hints and tips. He was passionate about gas mileage and the details on our car. I'll try to do better on keeping track of my gas mileage for you grandpa. One of the many things I got from my grandpa's many stories was to always stand up for yourself.  I think that is so important. He taught me that it isn't ok for others to treat you unfairly. We wont go into the ways he made it known to people who did not treat him fair because thats besides the point. Grandpa was very protective of his grandkids. You didn't mess with us or else he would hunt you down. I'm not kidding...He loved his 3 great granddaughters very much. They new him as grandpa great. 

I miss my grandma and grandpa so very much. I'm so glad they are together and I know I am so lucky to have had them in my life for as long as I did. 

Grandma Smith

My grandma (my mom's mom) passed away on Tuesday July 30th. She passed away in the arms of my dad. Instead of dwelling on the sadness of it all and how much I miss her and how rough it is somedays I just wanted to write down some of my memories of my grandma.My brothers and my sister and I were her only grandkids and so we were very close with her. 

She was an amazing person! She was so much fun! I remember having sleepovers at my grandparents house and watching the Utah Jazz games. My grandma would get all sorts of treats ready for us and put them in bowls. She would hold her hand up like she was covering the basketball hoop when the opposing team tried to make a shot in hopes the ball would "bounce" off her hands. When the score got too close she would go into the other bedroom but then turn the TV in on there because she couldn't stand to watch it. 

She made amazing food. One of my favorites was her maraschino Cherry Salad without the Cherries. It's made with whip cream, jello, and velveeta cheese. Kind of weird sounding I know but its delicious!

Whenever anyone had sickness or an injury like a headache or something she would rub your head in one motion. Like across your forehead pick up her hand and then across your forehead. When it felt better,which it always did, she would then wash her hands to get the pain out of her hands. I loved it. I always knew grandma could make me feel better.  

She loved to fish and be outside. She loved cacti and roadrunners. She loved to garden and always took really great care of her lawn. 

Unfortunately, she suffered from Alzheimers so I am happy that she is out of pain and confusion. Miss you Grams. 

My grandma and I fishing

Grandma and I

Me,my mom, and my grandma

We made it to Bismarck,ND

There may not be a ton of pictures with this post and I apologize. I took some awesome shots on the drive up and unfortunately my phone crashed and I lost them all so sad. Well things sometimes just don't go as planned. We figured it was going to be around a 15-18 hour drive to Bismarck and we wanted to leave really early but we ended up not leaving until about 10am. The drive was gorgeous Ben,Duke, and I drove in the truck and pulled the trailer. My dad drove behind us in the Mazda (yes my dads amazing to have done this drive with us and help move us up here on such short notice.) We had never pulled a trailer before with our truck so we were curious to see what kind of gas mileage we got. Let me tell you it wasn't good. About three hours in we had to fill up the tank. So having to stop that often to fill up kind of put us back a little on time. The good thing was the Mazda was getting great gas mileage and we were only having to fill it up about every other time we filled up the truck. Around 10pm we were on the Eastern side of Montana and we could tell everyone needed a rest so we found a little hotel and crashed. We had to sneak Duke in. I'm so grateful he is such a good dog or else we could have really had some problems. We just slept until we felt rested in the morning and then headed out on the road again. Mind you this whole time we technically don't have a place to live I have 2 places that have said its a possibility but we have nothing set in stone yet. We get to Bismarck and it is just pouring rain. We get to the duplex that we are hoping to rent and I can't get a hold of the landlord. So we go to Walmart and get my dad a hoodie because we hadn't planned on this weather and we get a blow up mattress because we don't have anything to sleep on. Still don't hear back from the landlord so we stop at TacoJohns a little mexican fast food place. Finally, we hear from the landlord go back to the duplex we take a look around sign the lease it stops raining for about an hour we get everything pretty much unpacked and thats it!

The next morning we dropped my dad off at the airport which is literally down the street. We basically live on airport road. There is also an active train track right by our house. That has taken some getting used to. I swear the conductor falls asleep on the horn some nights. Having people above us again has also taken some getting used to. They have a dog and we call him Crazy Old Bruce. He's crazy for real. It rained almost non stop for about the first month we were here and now its just hot and humid. A few things I've learned about North Dakota: Almost everyone wears Underarmor or TheNorthFace clothing. The majority of people are Catholic or Lutheran. They are huge on motorcycles especially Harley Davidsons. They have 2 Walmarts a north and south one. When you tell them you moved up here for work they assume you are working in the oil fields. They don't have enough people for the jobs they have available and they don't have enough housing for the people they need. There is only 3 types of music available on the radio. I like to call them the 3 C's: Country,Christian, and Classic Rock.

I was going to post more pictures of the inside of the house but I will just have to do that later because its taken me over 2 months to get this post up! Also...look up Minnesota accents on youtube. That's kind of how they talk here and some days I really pick up on the accent. Oops!